When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize