I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't deserve a penis
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I need mimosas to revive my soul
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
