there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We left the knife in your bed.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize