ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
