kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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