I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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