So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
