I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
