either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
