Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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