About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
