Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i've created a new STD.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
