but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
