ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
