we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
