I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
