Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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