I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
