evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
