areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
