my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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