i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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