What a fucking waste of an outfit
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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