There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
