how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
