in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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