omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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