Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
