we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I checked into jail on foursquare
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
