I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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