Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
As shirtless as possible
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
