this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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