Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize