the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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