sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
