Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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