I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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