yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
