1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My breasts were aching with rage.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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