there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
