he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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