Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
