It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
