The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
