I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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