I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
