I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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