I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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