There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
