Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
