Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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