Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
