Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize