my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
