I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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