btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize