I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize