Duck Duck Cougar?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm bleeding and have questions
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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