Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize