Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
