I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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