Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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