That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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