Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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