I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
