I just cut my nipple shaving
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
