My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
