she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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