So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
