I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
