You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
