I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
