im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
