So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
