i was born a porn star she said
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
