yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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