I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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